Outranked

I'm joining Zoe at "Uncharted" for Six Sentence Stories where our cue this week is "rank"...

My previous husband worked in the oilfield and spent his all his free time playing drums in a rock n' roll band.  He was a charmer, but told me early on that music would always be number one in his life, marijuana would be number two, and I would be number three.  He laughed when he said it, but he wasn't joking.  Naïve and over-confident, I laughed too, thinking that in no time at all I'd move up the ranks in his heart.  Although he claimed to love me, in thirteen years of marriage I never came first... or even second.  In observing his failed relationships since then, I note that his priorities still haven't changed.

 

Visit Six Sentence Stories for some great reading,
and add a story of your own.

Tuesday Coffee Chat - Jan. 10, 2017

Today I'm linking up with Tuesday Coffee Chat at Ink Interrupted where Rory Bore asks us

"What was your biggest lesson learned in 2016?"

 

Wow, that's a hard one.  I learned a bunch of lessons last year, the way I learn most lessons... the hard way.  Sometimes it seems the ones you learn painfully stick with you better than the ones that come easily. Most often I have to repeat mistakes a dozen few times to actually get the message, but this past year brought some important messages home.

 

If I had to choose just one as the biggest lesson, I think it would be to trust fewer people and choose my friends and confidantes more wisely, which seems rather humorous since I've just started this blog as a place to share more of my personal thoughts and life with... pretty much anyone who cares to read them! 

 

But what I'm talking about is trusting people to be what they seem to be on the surface, and responding to that façade perception as the case may be.  At times the past year really caused me to question my ability to discern people who were friends from those who were covertly foes.  At the end of the year I realized how much time and energy I had spent on people who truly didn't like me.  Sometimes the undermining of my trust was intentional on their part, and sometimes maybe more of a subconscious thing, but I can say now that I definitely will be more careful of the people I expend my energy on, and use it for the ones that uplift and encourage me, and not ones who are "vexations to the spirit." 

 

That doesn't mean people I trust and consider to be friends have to think, believe, or act just the same as I do, it means we have to share similar values in the way we approach life and treat other people.  Kindness and honesty are BIG to me, so is mutual encouragement. If someone turns on me once I might forgive them and try again, because we all act out of character once in awhile, but if it happens again it's a sure bet that trust will go out the window... of a very tall building. :-)

 

Along with this lesson, there were other important lessons I learned last year too... things like... the lemming instinct is alive and well (hence our political farce),  be prepared to deal with what you ask for (because you just might get it), encourage people to make choices for their own lives based on their experiences (rather than telling them what you think they should do), take life one day at a time (exercise faith and don't panic about tomorrow), and my favorite... begin again (always begin again)!

 

 Join us and share what 2016 taught you!

Ten Things of Thankful - Week 1, 2017

~Image Credit~

Well, I haven't done one of these for awhile, and not faithfully for a long time.  This year I'm doing a daily thankful post at my other blog, but there are things I just don't want to talk about over there, not all who visit are my friends.  So I've decided to jumpstart this year by kicking my TTOT rear back into gear.  Here goes (bear with my lack of fancy intros and flowing phrases, anyone who knows me, knows that's not how I roll)...

1.  I am thankful for all friends and family that survived the last year and the struggles it presented to many.  I celebrate surviving, it used to be my mantra and still is, but I've also come to realize that there has to be more to life than just surviving, there has to be meaning and purpose, and even occasional joy (thought it can be joy over little things, doesn't have to mean a whoopee celebration).

2.  That Papa Bear and I survived the past year, both financially and emotionally. The loss of my job at the end of July was a major life changer/game changer.  We have managed to make ends meet (just barely) for the past months, and my stress levels, blood pressure, and gut issues have returned to the normal range.  Being home after working for so many years is such an incredible blessing!  There are no words.  Even if it doesn't last, I will cherish this time I've had to recover myself.

3.  I am thankful that both of my kids had someone to share Christmas with this year, and both enjoyed their holiday.  Being alone at Christmas is often sad and lonely, I've done it in the past. I have hopes that both will continue in the relationships of present, I am content with their choices. There will likely be a move to Dallas for my daughter sometime this year, maybe, we shall see. I would love having her closer.  I don't get to see my kids nearly often enough.

4. I am thankful that Papa Bear and I are so well matched when it comes to living together. We watch shows on tv where couples continually disagree with each other, have strongly opposing ideas about life, or want such very different things.  It reminds me of how my life used to be in the past chapters. You don't have to be cosmic twins to have a good marriage, but you have to agree on the fundamentals or be able to compromise in a way that both feel okay about it.

5. I am thankful that I've been able to work through my remaining resentments with a few individuals from my past, especially one particularly evil ex, and let it go. I can acknowledge that they acted out of their own levels of pain and unresolved issues, and while I don't excuse what transpired, it no longer has emotional weight to me.  It just was, and it is no more, I am free of it, very free. 

6.  I am thankful that being home has provided me the time and energy to cook good suppers for Papa Bear, he loves it.  Now I need to convince him that we need to focus on healthier fare, because he's gained weight, and we both already weigh too much. Eating at home saves lots of money too.

7.  I am thankful and excited to have reconnected with some dear blogging friends from the past this week, and also for becoming better acquainted with some I've known only marginally.  I love bloggers and blogging, and keeping up with what's going on in each other's lives!

8.  I am thankful for my furkids and their amazing individual personalities.  In the past two weeks Sophie (the elder feline and reigning queen) has finally decided it is okay (just barely tolerable, but it's a start), for Tiggy or Gracie to nap next to her on the blanket on the sofa.  They've been trying to do this since they were babies born here nearly four years ago and she would swat at them or stomp off in a fuzzed-up huff.  Maybe the cooler weather was good for something, or maybe like me, she is mellowing a bit in her old age (she's thirteen now).  It is so sweet to see them cuddled up together.

9.  I am thankful that I am getting along with both my younger and older sister, staying in communication, and learning to maintain the balance of sharing and privacy/closeness and detachment that is necessary to keep those relationships working.  We've struggled for many years and I've banished one or the other, or both from my life for extended periods in the past.  But life is short and I know that resentments are displeasing to God.  So I've worked on it, and I set boundaries I can live with.  Family is family, for better or worse.  One critical rule... I refuse to discuss one sister with the other.  (Being the middle child has too often put me in the no-win role of peacemaker.)

10.  (Wow, I'm at ten already?!  I remember now how easy this is once I convince myself to begin.)  I am thankful that the holiday gloom that often rides just below the surface in my life has passed, the anniversaries of my father's death on 12/30/2009 and my mom's on 1/09/1995 - and the bitter cold winter funerals in Dakota that followed - will soon be past, and I can move ahead into the new year ready to once again to take up the battle with de-cluttering our very cluttered house and storages. This is the year of learning to live minimally, and to have our surroundings reflect that. I can do it!

Ten Things of Thankful is the brainchild of Lizzi at Considerings.  It's been running each weekend for a long time now, and is a wonderful way to refocus on the good things that happen in our lives, despite whatever problems we are facing.  There is always something to be thankful for... always!

 This Week's TToT

A Cheesy Poem

 

 I'm joining Zoe at "Uncharted" for Six Sentence Stories where our cue this week is "cheesy"...

 

The stories I write are quite cheesy; yes, almost as bad as this rhyme

I won't earn my fortune in writing, but still it's my favorite pastime

I never will run out of stories, or things that I'm wanting to say

I'm pretty sure I could just sit here and write fourteen hours a day

Alas, there is housework and laundry; the furkids are wanting to play

I'll cease stringing words for the moment, but return before end of the day

 

 

Visit Six Sentence Stories for some great reading,
and add a story of your own.

Being Heard

~Image Credit~

 

In a comment on yesterday's post, my friend Brenda wrote "I don't really like to share my thoughts as often when I do I am challenged or questioned."  That definitely struck a cord with me.  I have often found myself misunderstood or worse yet, totally ignored.  At times I feel like I must either do a poor job of communicating my thoughts, or they are just that far out in left field.  Being an Aquarian, I suppose the latter is a possibility. :-)

I learned not to share my thoughts, the personal ones, when I was growing up.  It seemed that whenever I would try to share something with my parents they would either get angry, make fun of me, or ignore me altogether.  The understanding and encouragement I was looking for wasn't there.  So I learned to keep my thoughts to myself.  That didn't work well either, for example... one morning I came down to breakfast following a blowup with my father the night before and sat there quietly eating.  My father said "Well I see you got that out of your system."  He had no idea how wrong he was, but I knew enough to let him think that rather than share the internal rage I was feeling at the moment.

As an adult I still experience being totally misunderstood. Often I think someone is on the same page as me, and reads my comments and behavior in the manner they were intended. Then at some later point they will make it clear that they have no idea what I meant or what I am about!  It leaves me not only hurt but totally bewildered, wondering how I could be so misunderstood.

It was my great joy to discover that I could actually meet people via the Internet who DID think along the same lines as me, and who, if they didn't, were capable of  respecting my thoughts and being supportive and kind.  At last I realized I had a tribe, it just didn't exist where I was growing up. 

Recently I had a friend, or so I thought, that found it necessary to disagree with or challenge nearly everything I said, or to point out how superior her way of thinking and acting was.  She didn't treat everyone this way, just me, as if I was the target for something.  I tried to discuss it more than once, to tell her how it felt and to request that she try to be more supportive, but she chose not to change her behavior, so I chose to not be her friend anymore.  Real friends encourage us. You can be honest without being critical, you can always be caring and kind.

I share my thoughts more carefully now days, the backlash from being challenged and misunderstood is too painful.  I try to walk on the path gently and say things that are positive rather than negative, I try not to argue or debate as much as I once did. I try to understand other points of view and to realize that not everyone is at the same place in life I am.  We all need someone who just listens, without judgment, and who cares about what is important to us. We all need encouragement.

When someone shares there thoughts, I am making a greater effort to avoid formulating a response in my mind while I am reading their words or they are speaking, but rather to first just listen to what it is they are trying to say, and to then try to understand where they are coming from and why.  When I do that I can respond from a more compassionate and supportive place, and hopefully be a better friend.

The exchange of thoughts and ideas is fun, I can talk or hours with someone who wants to talk about ideas (rather than about things, like new shoes), it gets my brain firing on all cylinders and I start talking really fast because I am energized.  We learn by listening to what others have to say and comparing their ideas and beliefs to our own.  We learn by asking questions to make sure we do understand.  I encourage you to feel free to share your thoughts here.  Even if I think you are out in left field, I promise to consider what you have to say and respond in kindness. :-)
   

Distracted

I find that I live mostly in my mind

Always observing, plotting and planning

A million thoughts of what I should do or could do

But little action due to frequent distraction

 

Telling My Story

We have turned the calendar page to a new year, and I am back to share more of my life story.  January 1st is such an arbitrary date for new beginning,  I've always thought the Winter Solstice would make more sense, then the longest night would mark the end and the beginning of days growing longer.  Never the less, the new year marks a time of recommitting ourselves to life and personal growth, and to doing more of the things that make us happy.  Blogging makes me happy, why have I let myself be drawn away from it by the lure of social media and all of life's other distractions?

 I looked back at some of the posts I did on another blog several years ago and they were pretty good.  I think for the past year or more work became so all-consuming and I was so exhausted from it all the time, that my brain was incapable of true reflection, perhaps the inner struggle was just too much to contemplate or share. I put my heart and soul into that job, giving 110%, but the office was closed in late summer and I found myself unemployed.  Attempting to find another job when you are over the age of 60 is no joke, it is defeating and eats away at self-esteem.  We decided that I would take early retirement and see if we could make ends meet with me staying home.

I truly love being at home.  All the stress is gone, other than the obvious worries about making ends meet.  I love the quiet, the waking up each morning to start my day calmly instead of on the run. The furkids love that too.  I definitely don't miss the ever-ringing office phone lines, the pressure of deadlines, or the irresponsible young people who think I am much to focused on doing things the right way, i.e. with integrity.  My husband loves having a meal ready and waiting for him when he gets home each night, the house more organized, laundry caught up, and a wife who isn't on the edge.  I wanted to be done with the daily grind, God knew that, and then it happened, not in a way I would have planned, but so far it's working out.  Only time will tell if we will be able to continue, or if I will need to take on something part-time.  I wish there was something I could do from home.

At any rate, being home frees me up to do more of what I love, which is reading, reflecting, writing, and connecting with others online.  As long as the Internet exists I have plenty of good company at my fingertips... and I don't even have to bother with getting dressed unless I am heading into town on errands!

Although there are many unknowns for this new year, both personally and in our world, I live by the "one day at a time" philosophy and when it comes to things beyond my control I strive to "Let go, and let God."  That isn't always easy, but it certainly is the path to inner peace.

I have hopes this will be a good year.  Perhaps that is overly optimistic, but that's okay with me.  I have learned that most things have a way of working out over time, and everything is possible if we believe.  No matter how much ugliness and division our news media strives to promote, it is still a beautiful world, and there are still good people everywhere.

And so we begin again... always begin again!