One of my favorite "speeches" to young people is about the importance of making good choices. How do I know that? Because I am the poster child for making poor ones and experiencing the consequences.
Obviously, we have to make some mistakes growing up and even as adults, that's how we learn best... from what didn't work. But I'm talking more about the big decisions, the ones that have far reaching consequences on our futures... the friends we choose, the partners we choose, whether or not to practice birth control, obtain more education, move to another city, or make major purchases.
It is so important to consider how our choices will affect our lives in the long run, and what kinds of consequences we might expect to experience if we choose wrong. I had an older friend who always said to wait three days before making major decisions, giving time for the emotions of the moment to die down so that you could look at the situation objectively, I can see now that she was right.
So many choices that "seemed like a good idea" at the time I now find myself pleading "temporary insanity" as my only excuse, including my three previous marriages in that! It's hard not to react from the emotions of the moment, whether it's regarding a relationship or the purchase of a new car. We tend to focus on the "feel good", or at least I do, and often choose to steer away from any choices that I might be afraid of, even if it could actually prove to be something good for me. Sometimes we rationalize our choices when I think deep down we know it's probably a mistake.
I was talking with a friend this week who owns a dog that doesn't wear a collar or any identification. Why, I asked, yet again. Her response was that when the dog was a puppy it really disliked a collar and would stagger like a drunk if one was put on him. I asked how long she had tried to get him used to it and she said a couple days. It reminded me of what happens when you first try to put a cat on a leash, they collapse on the ground as if you're killing them. LOL I thought to myself that perhaps she could have worked with it a little longer, or tried another style of collar. I asked her about a harness... no, she didn't want to confine him in one of those, they don't look nice. Okay, is he at least micro-chipped in case he gets lost (which he did once when he was very small and miraculously found his way to someone's door). No, he isn't. The dog goes with them everywhere, even on out of town car trips, so to me that's pretty risky. My cats wear collars and ID tags even though they never leave the house except for vet visits or stroller walks, but if they did get loose by accident, there is at least a hope that they would be recovered.
I found myself wondering if one of her sons had not wanted to wear clothing when he was young, would he have been permitted to go to school naked? When does it fall on us to make the adult decisions for those not really able to make good ones for themselves?
This same friend is continuing to wear contact lenses most of the time, despite the fact that her eyes are constantly very dry and irritated and despite the fact that her ophthalmologist has told her that she is risking injury to one eye in particular. Why does she do this? Because she "just can't get used to glasses" and thinks they make her look old. She is nearing sixty. I told her, only partially joking, that I didn't want to have to lead her down the halls of the nursing home someday because she'd gone blind due to her unwillingness to ditch the contact lenses. And yes, I know that many people really prefer them for many reasons.
As I sat here, somewhat baffled at her life choices, I realized how many equally poor choices I've made in my own life, many more than she has, and certainly some with the potential for equally grave consequences. It is so easy to look other people's weaknesses and flaws with a magnifying glass, and to attempt to minimize or make excuses for our own.
From now on, I think I'll spend more energy worrying about my own choices, and find more ways to encourage others rather than criticize or condemn... at least until I become perfect myself, which isn't likely to happen in this lifetime. There are ways to suggest alternative views to those we care about, but finding fault or pointing out flawed thinking rarely results in change. I need to stop being picky me, that isn't who I want to be!
