Ten Things of Thankful - Week 1, 2017

~Image Credit~

Well, I haven't done one of these for awhile, and not faithfully for a long time.  This year I'm doing a daily thankful post at my other blog, but there are things I just don't want to talk about over there, not all who visit are my friends.  So I've decided to jumpstart this year by kicking my TTOT rear back into gear.  Here goes (bear with my lack of fancy intros and flowing phrases, anyone who knows me, knows that's not how I roll)...

1.  I am thankful for all friends and family that survived the last year and the struggles it presented to many.  I celebrate surviving, it used to be my mantra and still is, but I've also come to realize that there has to be more to life than just surviving, there has to be meaning and purpose, and even occasional joy (thought it can be joy over little things, doesn't have to mean a whoopee celebration).

2.  That Papa Bear and I survived the past year, both financially and emotionally. The loss of my job at the end of July was a major life changer/game changer.  We have managed to make ends meet (just barely) for the past months, and my stress levels, blood pressure, and gut issues have returned to the normal range.  Being home after working for so many years is such an incredible blessing!  There are no words.  Even if it doesn't last, I will cherish this time I've had to recover myself.

3.  I am thankful that both of my kids had someone to share Christmas with this year, and both enjoyed their holiday.  Being alone at Christmas is often sad and lonely, I've done it in the past. I have hopes that both will continue in the relationships of present, I am content with their choices. There will likely be a move to Dallas for my daughter sometime this year, maybe, we shall see. I would love having her closer.  I don't get to see my kids nearly often enough.

4. I am thankful that Papa Bear and I are so well matched when it comes to living together. We watch shows on tv where couples continually disagree with each other, have strongly opposing ideas about life, or want such very different things.  It reminds me of how my life used to be in the past chapters. You don't have to be cosmic twins to have a good marriage, but you have to agree on the fundamentals or be able to compromise in a way that both feel okay about it.

5. I am thankful that I've been able to work through my remaining resentments with a few individuals from my past, especially one particularly evil ex, and let it go. I can acknowledge that they acted out of their own levels of pain and unresolved issues, and while I don't excuse what transpired, it no longer has emotional weight to me.  It just was, and it is no more, I am free of it, very free. 

6.  I am thankful that being home has provided me the time and energy to cook good suppers for Papa Bear, he loves it.  Now I need to convince him that we need to focus on healthier fare, because he's gained weight, and we both already weigh too much. Eating at home saves lots of money too.

7.  I am thankful and excited to have reconnected with some dear blogging friends from the past this week, and also for becoming better acquainted with some I've known only marginally.  I love bloggers and blogging, and keeping up with what's going on in each other's lives!

8.  I am thankful for my furkids and their amazing individual personalities.  In the past two weeks Sophie (the elder feline and reigning queen) has finally decided it is okay (just barely tolerable, but it's a start), for Tiggy or Gracie to nap next to her on the blanket on the sofa.  They've been trying to do this since they were babies born here nearly four years ago and she would swat at them or stomp off in a fuzzed-up huff.  Maybe the cooler weather was good for something, or maybe like me, she is mellowing a bit in her old age (she's thirteen now).  It is so sweet to see them cuddled up together.

9.  I am thankful that I am getting along with both my younger and older sister, staying in communication, and learning to maintain the balance of sharing and privacy/closeness and detachment that is necessary to keep those relationships working.  We've struggled for many years and I've banished one or the other, or both from my life for extended periods in the past.  But life is short and I know that resentments are displeasing to God.  So I've worked on it, and I set boundaries I can live with.  Family is family, for better or worse.  One critical rule... I refuse to discuss one sister with the other.  (Being the middle child has too often put me in the no-win role of peacemaker.)

10.  (Wow, I'm at ten already?!  I remember now how easy this is once I convince myself to begin.)  I am thankful that the holiday gloom that often rides just below the surface in my life has passed, the anniversaries of my father's death on 12/30/2009 and my mom's on 1/09/1995 - and the bitter cold winter funerals in Dakota that followed - will soon be past, and I can move ahead into the new year ready to once again to take up the battle with de-cluttering our very cluttered house and storages. This is the year of learning to live minimally, and to have our surroundings reflect that. I can do it!

Ten Things of Thankful is the brainchild of Lizzi at Considerings.  It's been running each weekend for a long time now, and is a wonderful way to refocus on the good things that happen in our lives, despite whatever problems we are facing.  There is always something to be thankful for... always!

 This Week's TToT

A Cheesy Poem

 

 I'm joining Zoe at "Uncharted" for Six Sentence Stories where our cue this week is "cheesy"...

 

The stories I write are quite cheesy; yes, almost as bad as this rhyme

I won't earn my fortune in writing, but still it's my favorite pastime

I never will run out of stories, or things that I'm wanting to say

I'm pretty sure I could just sit here and write fourteen hours a day

Alas, there is housework and laundry; the furkids are wanting to play

I'll cease stringing words for the moment, but return before end of the day

 

 

Visit Six Sentence Stories for some great reading,
and add a story of your own.

Being Heard

~Image Credit~

 

In a comment on yesterday's post, my friend Brenda wrote "I don't really like to share my thoughts as often when I do I am challenged or questioned."  That definitely struck a cord with me.  I have often found myself misunderstood or worse yet, totally ignored.  At times I feel like I must either do a poor job of communicating my thoughts, or they are just that far out in left field.  Being an Aquarian, I suppose the latter is a possibility. :-)

I learned not to share my thoughts, the personal ones, when I was growing up.  It seemed that whenever I would try to share something with my parents they would either get angry, make fun of me, or ignore me altogether.  The understanding and encouragement I was looking for wasn't there.  So I learned to keep my thoughts to myself.  That didn't work well either, for example... one morning I came down to breakfast following a blowup with my father the night before and sat there quietly eating.  My father said "Well I see you got that out of your system."  He had no idea how wrong he was, but I knew enough to let him think that rather than share the internal rage I was feeling at the moment.

As an adult I still experience being totally misunderstood. Often I think someone is on the same page as me, and reads my comments and behavior in the manner they were intended. Then at some later point they will make it clear that they have no idea what I meant or what I am about!  It leaves me not only hurt but totally bewildered, wondering how I could be so misunderstood.

It was my great joy to discover that I could actually meet people via the Internet who DID think along the same lines as me, and who, if they didn't, were capable of  respecting my thoughts and being supportive and kind.  At last I realized I had a tribe, it just didn't exist where I was growing up. 

Recently I had a friend, or so I thought, that found it necessary to disagree with or challenge nearly everything I said, or to point out how superior her way of thinking and acting was.  She didn't treat everyone this way, just me, as if I was the target for something.  I tried to discuss it more than once, to tell her how it felt and to request that she try to be more supportive, but she chose not to change her behavior, so I chose to not be her friend anymore.  Real friends encourage us. You can be honest without being critical, you can always be caring and kind.

I share my thoughts more carefully now days, the backlash from being challenged and misunderstood is too painful.  I try to walk on the path gently and say things that are positive rather than negative, I try not to argue or debate as much as I once did. I try to understand other points of view and to realize that not everyone is at the same place in life I am.  We all need someone who just listens, without judgment, and who cares about what is important to us. We all need encouragement.

When someone shares there thoughts, I am making a greater effort to avoid formulating a response in my mind while I am reading their words or they are speaking, but rather to first just listen to what it is they are trying to say, and to then try to understand where they are coming from and why.  When I do that I can respond from a more compassionate and supportive place, and hopefully be a better friend.

The exchange of thoughts and ideas is fun, I can talk or hours with someone who wants to talk about ideas (rather than about things, like new shoes), it gets my brain firing on all cylinders and I start talking really fast because I am energized.  We learn by listening to what others have to say and comparing their ideas and beliefs to our own.  We learn by asking questions to make sure we do understand.  I encourage you to feel free to share your thoughts here.  Even if I think you are out in left field, I promise to consider what you have to say and respond in kindness. :-)
   

Distracted

I find that I live mostly in my mind

Always observing, plotting and planning

A million thoughts of what I should do or could do

But little action due to frequent distraction

 

Telling My Story

We have turned the calendar page to a new year, and I am back to share more of my life story.  January 1st is such an arbitrary date for new beginning,  I've always thought the Winter Solstice would make more sense, then the longest night would mark the end and the beginning of days growing longer.  Never the less, the new year marks a time of recommitting ourselves to life and personal growth, and to doing more of the things that make us happy.  Blogging makes me happy, why have I let myself be drawn away from it by the lure of social media and all of life's other distractions?

 I looked back at some of the posts I did on another blog several years ago and they were pretty good.  I think for the past year or more work became so all-consuming and I was so exhausted from it all the time, that my brain was incapable of true reflection, perhaps the inner struggle was just too much to contemplate or share. I put my heart and soul into that job, giving 110%, but the office was closed in late summer and I found myself unemployed.  Attempting to find another job when you are over the age of 60 is no joke, it is defeating and eats away at self-esteem.  We decided that I would take early retirement and see if we could make ends meet with me staying home.

I truly love being at home.  All the stress is gone, other than the obvious worries about making ends meet.  I love the quiet, the waking up each morning to start my day calmly instead of on the run. The furkids love that too.  I definitely don't miss the ever-ringing office phone lines, the pressure of deadlines, or the irresponsible young people who think I am much to focused on doing things the right way, i.e. with integrity.  My husband loves having a meal ready and waiting for him when he gets home each night, the house more organized, laundry caught up, and a wife who isn't on the edge.  I wanted to be done with the daily grind, God knew that, and then it happened, not in a way I would have planned, but so far it's working out.  Only time will tell if we will be able to continue, or if I will need to take on something part-time.  I wish there was something I could do from home.

At any rate, being home frees me up to do more of what I love, which is reading, reflecting, writing, and connecting with others online.  As long as the Internet exists I have plenty of good company at my fingertips... and I don't even have to bother with getting dressed unless I am heading into town on errands!

Although there are many unknowns for this new year, both personally and in our world, I live by the "one day at a time" philosophy and when it comes to things beyond my control I strive to "Let go, and let God."  That isn't always easy, but it certainly is the path to inner peace.

I have hopes this will be a good year.  Perhaps that is overly optimistic, but that's okay with me.  I have learned that most things have a way of working out over time, and everything is possible if we believe.  No matter how much ugliness and division our news media strives to promote, it is still a beautiful world, and there are still good people everywhere.

And so we begin again... always begin again!

Weary Traveler

 

Image Credit

 

The weariness showed in his eyes and his gait

Nearly fifty years of working and never being late

His journey of life with much hope had begun

Now he was just tired and ready to be done

 

= = = = = = = =

Written for My Love

Shared at In Other Words

where we were to write a story or poem

of 5 Lines or Less using the word weary 

 

Tuesday Coffee Chat - 11/01/16

 

Today I'm joining Rory Bore at Ink Interrupted for her "Tuesday Coffee Chat." This week's topic is  "How do you handle your failures?"  Grab your cup of coffee or glass of tea and join us...

In the past, I was probably harder on myself when I failed at something than anyone else was.  I did well in school and in any cerebral challenge I took on.  My capabilities did not extend to the physical realm though, I was awkward and uncoordinated, and it surely wasn't my area to shine.  I kept my embarrassment at doing poorly and not being competitive with my classmates to myself. 

In fact over the years I became an expert at internalizing my failures, and there were many... including failed attempts at completing my education and failed attempts at marriages, failed attempts to fit in at places of work, failed attempts at maintaining a healthy weight... and the list goes on... and on.  I became pretty good at beating myself up and seeing myself as a failure.  And when you feel as a failure, you stop trying, you surrender yourself to your fate of being a loser, and you avoid people who appear to be much more successful at life.

Only after turning fifty did I begin to put my past in the past and to see those failures in another light, being a bit more forgiving of myself.  I think now that I probably did the best I could in those situations at the given time and with what was presented.  If I failed at anything, it was clearly at making good choices.  In fact, that just may be the reason or many failures in life... choosing the wrong option to begin with. 

It's important to realize that we will make some poor choices along the way, and we will fail at all kinds of things major and minor, but just as the quote above says "Failure is not fatal."  Failure is a learning experience, a lesson in what not to do or what to do differently next time. Failure is also a motivator, it can teach us to persevere and try harder for something we really want to accomplish.

I failed three times at marriage. At first I said I wouldn't try again, since I had tried so hard at each of those and still they failed. Then I started thinking about why they failed... because I made poor choices, because the partners I chose did not have the skills or the desire to work at making a marriage work.  So I decided to try a new approach - repeated failure teaches us to do that. I made a list of all the qualities and characteristics of my first three husbands, and realized that the similarities were many.  Then I set my sights on finding the opposite of that in a partner... and I did! 

I've been married eight years now to the man of my dreams.  He isn't perfect, nor am I, but we are perfect for each other.  We both work hard at making each other and our relationship the priority, and failure isn't an option.  Our love grows stronger every year.  If I would have given up after failing three times, I never would have met him; I would have been alone for ever, never experiencing what real love was like.

I still fail at things on a regular basis; I am human and I will never be as perfect as I'd like to be.  Sometimes my failures defeat me and I shut down for awhile, retreating to my cave until I am ready to try again. But I am kinder to myself now... I give myself credit for persevering, and I try to focus more on what I do right and the times I've succeeded.  I am not a failure at life, I am a learner... I am a work in progress.