Today I'm linking up with Tuesday Coffee Chat at Ink Interrupted where Rory Bore asks us
"What was your biggest lesson learned in 2016?"
Wow, that's a hard one. I learned a bunch of lessons last year, the way I learn most lessons... the hard way. Sometimes it seems the ones you learn painfully stick with you better than the ones that come easily. Most often I have to repeat mistakes a dozen few times to actually get the message, but this past year brought some important messages home.
If I had to choose just one as the biggest lesson, I think it would be to trust fewer people and choose my friends and confidantes more wisely, which seems rather humorous since I've just started this blog as a place to share more of my personal thoughts and life with... pretty much anyone who cares to read them!
But what I'm talking about is trusting people to be what they seem to be on the surface, and responding to that façade perception as the case may be. At times the past year really caused me to question my ability to discern people who were friends from those who were covertly foes. At the end of the year I realized how much time and energy I had spent on people who truly didn't like me. Sometimes the undermining of my trust was intentional on their part, and sometimes maybe more of a subconscious thing, but I can say now that I definitely will be more careful of the people I expend my energy on, and use it for the ones that uplift and encourage me, and not ones who are "vexations to the spirit."
That doesn't mean people I trust and consider to be friends have to think, believe, or act just the same as I do, it means we have to share similar values in the way we approach life and treat other people. Kindness and honesty are BIG to me, so is mutual encouragement. If someone turns on me once I might forgive them and try again, because we all act out of character once in awhile, but if it happens again it's a sure bet that trust will go out the window... of a very tall building. :-)
Along with this lesson, there were other important lessons I learned last year too... things like... the lemming instinct is alive and well (hence our political farce), be prepared to deal with what you ask for (because you just might get it), encourage people to make choices for their own lives based on their experiences (rather than telling them what you think they should do), take life one day at a time (exercise faith and don't panic about tomorrow), and my favorite... begin again (always begin again)!
I completely agree with you on the energy put into the wrong people. I'm guilty of that myself. I can't tell you how many "friends" I unfollowed on FaceBook during this election season, and a few, I went a head and unfriended. It's wonderful to meet you :)
ReplyDeleteHi Missy! Thanks for stopping by! I did a bunch of "unfollowing" and a little unfriending during the election too. It is what it is and now we must find a way to work with it. My motto for this year is "dwell where you are celebrated". No more struggling to prove my worth.
DeleteWhen I was writing mine, I checked the "friends list" and just as I hid posts, I think some unfriended me. I think they didn't like some of the things I questioned. My real friends stayed with me and agreed with me for the most part. 2017 will start an interesting four years.
ReplyDeleteI am sure some of my FB friends wondered why I wasn't responding to their posts or quick to support them. I just couldn't. Friends don't have to agree, but I do expect my friends to be respectful and grounded in reality. I think a few crossed that line this year. Yes, these next four years will bear close watching, but then, when isn't that true? We certainly can't trust our media to keep us accurately informed! Maybe that's one good lesson that's come from this.
DeleteYou are right. Your 2016 sounds a lot like mine. Here's to a better 2016 and better discernment when it comes to friends.
ReplyDeleteAmen to that, I feel that I am in a better place to cope with whatever this year brings. Each year a little older and perhaps a little wiser... hopefully! :-)
DeleteTrue, we must always begin again. Every morning is a new beginning. I have many acquaintances, some friends, and a few friends that I love dearly. We must be wise in who we open our hearts to.
ReplyDeleteWhat matters isn't how many times you fail, but how many times you begin again. You are so right that we must be wise about who we confide in, I think that lesson finally came home to me this past year. I want to trust everyone, but sometimes that's a mistake.
DeleteRelationships are so important and so crucial to your self worth and self care -- so yes, they had better be chosen wisely. Also, the people you spend the most time with are usually what you end up projecting out into the world too. So a negative person eventually does wear down your soul. I have learned to watch out for jealousy!! I don't know why exactly someone would be jealous of me, but I have learned that certain behaviours that leave me unsettled and wondering why they would do/say that -- often comes down to pure old fashioned jealousy. Nothing kills your soul quicker than comparison!!
ReplyDeleteYou make an interesting point, Rory Bore, when I met my husband, some of the people I thought were my friends weren't cheering for me, and in time I figured out that they were having a hard time with me meeting Mr. Right while they were either still single or married to Mr. Not So Nice. To me it's always sad when we can't cheer for each other when something good happens. I agree with you about comparison.
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